Category Archives: humor

Coping during the holidays

In actuality, I’ve got a lot going on and a few things worrying me.
In reality, I’m praying.  Chocolate may be involved.
But I needed something light-hearted today, so I’m taking you with me on a little shopping spree — free of charge!

Today’s shopping tips come from CatalogFavorites.com and a little idea called “better living through chemicals”. Come on in and enjoy some fun shopping.  It might just make you feel better.  :)

Benjamin Franklin -- what a guy!

A pillow upon which to rest your weary head (or to hide behind)

Since I already have a black t-shirt with the Ben Franklin quote, I’m wondering if buying this one would be overkill?

Lest you think I’m a cynical alcoholic – drug addict (I promise that I am not any of those things), I’ll leave you with a few others to make you smile.

the friendly doormat

Meet me halfway

Today is November 16th. I’ve passed the halfway point for NaBloPoMo, so I ask for your indulgence while I break a vow of silence about — wait for it —

Christmas.

Shhhhh…..

It’s not that I want to start thinking about shopping for gifts. But I must, if I’m going to shop online, order items to be sent to my house, and then mail them out to their recipients. I’ve waited before, only to have things arrive too late to mail or, perhaps worse, the item is out of stock and I have no backup plan.

Catalogs have been arriving at my house by the mailbox-full, and already there are some dog-eared pages and items marked by wishful thinkers.

Since I have committed to posting every single day this month –no easy task for me, you can be sure– I hope you will meet me halfway by doing a little virtual early shopping. Maybe you will even find something you like! Today’s treats come from the Wireless Catalog:


This T-shirt is perfect for those Scandinavian relatives.


Humorous-Juniorous likes these two (above and below)

Procrastination. It’s what I’ll do…. tomorrow.

Perhaps I’ll even present you with more gift ideas… tomorrow.
But I think for today — because it is TUESDAY —  I’ve done enough.

You’re welcome. ;)

Colorful

Thom participates in a meme called Weekend Funnies

and when a friend e-mailed me the following, I knew this fit right into that meme:

C O L O R IS  GOOD

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
My blood pressure was high ….

My cholesterol was high ………

I’d gained some weight, and I didn’t feel so hot.

My doctor said eating right doesn’t have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems.

He said: Just think in colors. Fill your plate with
bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc.

So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of . . .

And sure enough, I felt better immediately.

I never knew eating right could be so easy !!!

Oh yes, I did!

We came, we saw, we rallied.

EB came with us

We read a lot of terrific signs.
[Click to embiggen any photos]

Americans for... oh, look! A puppy!

We did The Wave with the guys from Mythbusters.

And then we realized that we hadn’t seen a porta-potty and we were going to need one. The crowd was…. well, crowded! and we were too far away to see or hear clearly. So as politely as we could, we swam against the tide and headed for a museum.


A little dose of FEAR…

Hey, the Newseum!

It was awesome.  Inside the lobby is a ginormous viewing screen which was showing the live coverage of the rally on the Comedy Central channel.  And there were already a bunch of other people who had the same idea.  They were cheering and clapping. (Not for us — for Jon and Stephen and guests.) It was like being at the rally, only less crowded and with clean bathrooms.  Although with the cost of admission, they were pretty expensive bathrooms.

From the windows and an upper story balcony, we could see the mass of people at the rally…

and those attempting to be at the rally. This is a view of a side street clogged with folks still trying to get in. But they were there. It counts.

Also, we had time to visit a real section of the Berlin Wall and a guard tower (only one in the USA and one of the few remaining left in the world — the rest were destroyed in the past 20 years).

After the rally was over, we headed back to the Mall for more photos of signs and a chance to photograph the [empty] stage.

porta-pottiesOh, look! The porta-potties we failed to find earlier in the afternoon —->

I  strongly suspect that the bathrooms at the Newseum were much nicer, even if we did have to pay a pretty penny to get into the building.

_______________________________________________________

I’ve been asked why I went. Why would someone who admittedly doesn’t like crowds willingly go to a rally on the Washington Mall? What made me desire to be there?
Here, in part, is the answer I gave to a few friends on facebook:

I hadn’t really thought of it so much of being part of something big — although it certainly was! — but more a matter of standing up in support of what Jon Stewart was saying when he announced the rally. The whole idea of there being a small but LOUD minority drowning out reason, when really there *is* a large, quiet, and mostly reasonable majority out there — a majority that doesn’t agree on political issues but who also don’t think shouting is the way to get your point across. When Jon said, “If you are wondering, am I really the type to go to a rally? The very fact that you are asking that question…The answer is YES.” …that  got my attention.
The really wonderful thing, besides the huge show of support from the 200,000 people who showed up (hello, there ARE decent people on both sides!), was that everyone was just so NICE that day.   I was a little worried about the political climate there, because I am rather moderate  –neither extreme pleases me– and I have always voted independent of any political party, but there was no bashing of parties or individuals (well, fun was poked at Sarah Palin on some of the signs, but how can you NOT poke fun at her? She sort of begs for it. And there were a number of costumes with tea bags prominently featured).
All in all, Civility was the rule of the day.
That is what I observed in person.

Perhaps a part of me wanted to be a part of something big in Washington, D.C., while I was still living here — but only in pleasant weather.
Ultimately,  I went because I wanted to stand up and be counted as a voice of reason.

It was a beautiful day.

Smithsonion Castle

And then we walked all the way back to the parking garage at George Washington University in Foggy Bottom, loaded our tired bodies into the car and got into the mass of traffic to go home…

…where we watched the entire event that I had wisely recorded. It was the best of both worlds.  I can proudly say I WAS THERE but I could also enjoy watching the entire 3 hours of everything I’d missed being able to see… all while laying on the couch in my pajamas  and resting my aching feet.

Para– What?

PARAPROSDOKIAN SENTENCES…. “A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase”   (I had to look it up)

Groucho Marx gave us some wonderful ones:

  • “She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.”
  • “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
  • “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.”
  • “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

PARAPROSDOKIAN SENTENCES

Ø   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat
you with experience.

Ø   When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø   Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Ø   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.

Ø   If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

Ø   We never really grow-up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø   War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Ø   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.

Ø   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed
to tell you why it isn’t.

Ø   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.

Ø   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

Ø   Some people are like Slinkies… not really good for much of anything,
but you can’t help smiling when you push one down the stairs.

Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can
train people to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you
don’t need it and already have some in their bank.

Ø   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an
emergency, notify:”  I write in: “DOCTOR”.

Ø   I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Ø   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said
“Implants?”

Ø   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say ‘the paint is wet’?

Ø   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Ø   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for President and
fifty for Miss America?

Ø   Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.

Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.

Ø   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Ø   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.

Ø   Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they
were.

Ø   Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø   I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Ø   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø   There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they
can’t get away.

Ø   I used to be indecisive. Now I’m just not sure.

Ø   I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a
shot of tequila.

Ø   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.

Ø   You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.

Ø   Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Ø   Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
imagination whatsoever.

Ø   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when
you are in it.

Ø   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Happy Weekend

When I saw this picture that my husband took last weekend, I knew it was too good not to share!

Have a wonderful holiday weekend~

Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends! and Happy Columbus Day (or as most think of it, happy 3-day weekend) to my friends in the USA.  My husband actually has 4 days off, so we (mostly the masculine form of “we” ) are working on some home improvement projects. Also in my corner of the world, we have the homecoming football game and the town-wide tag sale today.
What do you have planned?
If you are Canadian, what do you eat for Thanksgiving dinner?

Cn u rd ths?

I’ll post the answer to the puzzler on Saturday.  :P

Vacation, day 4: A Fine and Pleasant Misery

We drove to the coast again, but this time we went north:

Time for camping!

and we FINALLY got to see the wild ponies up close!

The herd here at the northern end of Assateague is separate from the one down at the southern part of the island, where the ponies are owned by the Volunteer Fire Department of Chincoteague and are known as the Chincoteague ponies. The southern ponies get veterinary care and some dietary supplement, plus the annual pony swim keeps their numbers steady. In contrast, the ponies of Assateague are  given a birth control vaccine (each mare is allowed to foal one time) to keep the population from growing too large and destroying the ecosystem. They are perhaps more wild, since they do not receive regular veterinary care or supplements, but they are not fenced off from visitors. Instead, we are told to steer clear of the ponies. They do bite, just like any wild animal.

There is a fence dividing the island and keeping the 2 herds separate.

This foal is 5 months old

We’ll see more horses later. Time to find our reserved walk-in tent camping site. We unloaded the vehicles and set up our shade and bug shelters first. The wind was blowing, but the sun was hot. A fly drew blood on my shin within 90 seconds of leaving the car.

It was Patrick McManus who coined the term “A Fine and Pleasant Misery” to describe camping. We’ve had a lot of experience camping and therefore have claimed many fine and pleasant miseries.  But for now, it’s time to hit the beach!

my water boys

Did you notice that the blue skies seem to have disappeared?

According to one website, “Seashore camping can be a memory to treasure—or a bad experience for the unprepared. There is no shade and mosquitoes can be abundant from mid-May to October. High winds can pull short tent pegs out of sand.”

High winds can also be the vehicle that bring in a severe thunderstorm. When a ranger drove through the parking lot announcing, via loudspeaker, the impending arrival of a severe storm, we figured it was time to get the tent set up and staked down.  Being married to a seasoned camper-of-all-seasons (who is also a former infantryman) has its benefits… and so does having almost-grown sons. They set up the tent in almost record time. Me? I took pictures and video of them working. Sometimes it’s nice to be the only female surrounded by males.

Shelters were already up; now it's time to get the tent pitched.

*Note that green pavilion in the far background. It’s really nice. You won’t be seeing it again.

The storm is a-comin’. It’s a doozie. Here’s a sample:

A Fine and Pleasant Misery, Part 3: the worst of the storm

You can see more storm videos (a series of 7) here

or you can cut and past this link:  http://www.vimeo.com/album/270772

After the storm, we lit the charcoal in the grill to put some hot food in our bellies.

The wind made the tent boom until 1am.

Next time, the final leg of the trip…

Friday 5: the college edition

Ladies and Gentlemen, the bird has flown the nest.

1. MusicMan has headed off to college… on the other side of the country.

2. The Onion has  tips on how to keep in touch.

3. Lucky for him, I do have a life, which means I don’t have time for stalking him.  (But go ahead and click the link above, it is classic Onion.)

4. Four minus one really does equal three.

5. There’s an empty spot at our dinner table. :(

Musical Monday: Seldom Scene

It’s been a busy month. Yes, I know it is only May 10th! But it’s been a busy month and only getting busier. I’ve stopped counting meetings, appointments, and responsibilities and now I’m just trying to make sure I don’t drop any of the proverbial balls.

Last week, on Thursday evening, was the annual silent auction for the Band Parent Association. We had great food, wonderful dinner music (the orchestra played), fantastic dancing music (the jazz band played), and of course there was the silent auction. I saw tickets for a bluegrass concert and made my bid.  My husband was a sweetheart; he saw that I had been outbid near the end and put in a higher winning bid for me. ♥  This from a man who doesn’t especially enjoy bluegrass. And then he promised to attend the concert with me the very next night!

So on Friday night, we were at the concert (some of the youngest people there, LOL) and this band was incredible! When I finally get my iPod, I’m buying a bunch of their songs.

[Side note to people on eBay: please stop outbidding me!
I want an iPod
!]

This video includes a couple of bozos who aren’t a part of the band, but they are hilarious… and a little disturbing.

Musical Monday is brought to us by Diane at Good Morning, Glory.