Para– What?

PARAPROSDOKIAN SENTENCES…. “A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase”   (I had to look it up)

Groucho Marx gave us some wonderful ones:

• “She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.”
• “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
• “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.”
• “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

PARAPROSDOKIAN SENTENCES

Ø   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat
you with experience.

Ø   When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø   Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Ø   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.

Ø   If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

Ø   We never really grow-up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø   War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Ø   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.

Ø   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed
to tell you why it isn’t.

Ø   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.

Ø   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

Ø   Some people are like Slinkies… not really good for much of anything,
but you can’t help smiling when you push one down the stairs.

Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can
train people to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you
don’t need it and already have some in their bank.

Ø   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an
emergency, notify:”  I write in: “DOCTOR”.

Ø   I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Ø   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said
“Implants?”

Ø   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say ‘the paint is wet’?

Ø   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Ø   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for President and
fifty for Miss America?

Ø   Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.

Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.

Ø   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Ø   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.

Ø   Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they
were.

Ø   Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø   I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Ø   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø   There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they
can’t get away.

Ø   I used to be indecisive. Now I’m just not sure.

Ø   I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a
shot of tequila.

Ø   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.

Ø   You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.

Ø   Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Ø   Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
imagination whatsoever.

Ø   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when
you are in it.

Ø   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.