She’s gone

Posted on June 16, 2011 | 15 Comments

I got the call at 11:15pm from my brother.
“She’s gone.”
My uncle (Mom’s brother) and my brother were each holding her hand, one on each side of the bed. Her best friend had been in to visit and had just left 5 minutes before.

She was surrounded by loving hands and hearts in her final hour, and for this I am grateful.

Strangely enough, I am also grateful for the gift that cancer gave our family: the chance to say goodbye over time. The grief process began in early January, when Mom was diagnosed with cancer. By mid-March, we knew exactly what type of cancer we were dealing with (stage 4 appendiceal cancer) and we knew the prognosis.  We had 3 months (to the very day!) to prepare for her death, three months in which to say “I love you” and grieve and say goodbye.

So now, I am not numb. I had my tears and I will have them again, but I am feeling strong tonight — strong enough to face the morning with a different kind of farewell. Tomorrow is the last day of school for my younger kids, filled with goodbyes and thank yous.
And I can do this.  I have to do this. EB’s graduation is Saturday morning.

This entry was posted in Family, In remembrance, loss, love, Thankful Thursday. Bookmark the permalink.

15 responses to “She’s gone”

  1. Thom | June 16, 2011 at 12:58 am |

    Much Aloha and Sunshine to you my friend and may your mother always Rest In Peace. Please be strong and enjoy the graduation with memories of your mom. You are always in my heart

  2. Mary | June 16, 2011 at 1:07 am |

    As we fly to another state to farewell j’s father (waiting at the airport now) I will hold this post close to my heart.

    My thoughts are with you.

  3. Cheri @ Blog This Mom! | June 16, 2011 at 1:17 am |

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    XO

  4. Allmycke | June 16, 2011 at 3:22 am |

    I don’t have any fancy words to offer, just know I’ll think about you over the next while.
    We were also fortunate in the same way when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. We were given a bit over 2 months to say all those things that were important.

  5. Betty | June 16, 2011 at 8:18 am |

    I´m glad you got to say good bye! May she rest in peace and be without pain anymore. My deepest sympathies go out to you!

  6. Karen | June 16, 2011 at 9:48 am |

    Again, I share my prayers for you and your family.

  7. Smalltown Mom | June 16, 2011 at 10:42 am |

    I am so sorry for your loss, but glad that you had time to say goodbye.

  8. Alice | June 16, 2011 at 12:46 pm |

    oh, k. i’m so sorry. i hope she is at peace. be strong this weekend ((hugs))

  9. Reb | June 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm |

    Having time to say good bye is a good thing. I am glad that you have had that time and also glad that now she is now no longer in pain. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  10. jennatjugglinglife | June 17, 2011 at 1:43 am |

    Endings and beginnings–all at the same time. I wish you the time to both mourn your mother and celebrate your son.

  11. ladyfi | June 17, 2011 at 8:58 am |

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. My mother-in-law died of cancer two years ago … and it was a comfort to have said our good-byes properly.

    Hugs to you and yours.

  12. Anne | June 17, 2011 at 2:34 pm |

    Oh honey, I am so sorry. The tears will cone and go. Don’t rush through it. Know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
    Wishing you peace and moments of joy in all the transitions going on.

  13. trashalou@googlemail.com | June 17, 2011 at 5:15 pm |

    I was sorry to read of your loss.

  14. Hilary | June 20, 2011 at 7:12 am |

    I’m so sorry, K. Best thoughts to you and yours. And hugs.

  15. Janet | June 20, 2011 at 4:09 pm |

    I was thinking about you this weekend…how did the graduation go?